The Essay
by Devin Trinidad
Summary: HALFSHIPPING IN which Ryou Bakura faces the fact that maybe, just maybe, he can man up and ask Miho to become his girlfriend.


Seto Kaiba, was a genius that could rival Light Yagami's. You heard right, he was that awesome. His genius-ness was unparalleled, so that he could leave behind a hologram of himself when he didn't want to work and stroll around the city like all those other commoners. Of course, strolling around the criminal infested city of Winchester was not enough for the genius. No, he had to do something far more worthy of his status.

So without further ado, he was stood in front of a house, looking quite in his element. Waiting impatiently for his customer to come out, he adjusted his jaunty pizza by cap, looking extremely proud o himself.

"Konnichiwa! Arigoto, mister," a violet haired girl called out. However, as any pizza boy would notice, she forgot to bring in some money.

"Ten pounds, please," he glared at the impudent little girl. Who in their right mind wouldn't come out with some type of cash on hand? Who did this little everyday Jane think she was? She appeared to be talking on her cell phone, had a yellow ribbon in her hair, and—Oh!

So this is what the new exchange student looked up close. Cute girl persona, check. Dumb look that would never go out of style on her face, check. Blatant disregard for business, double check. God, first quarter dragged by so slowly, how was he going to stand her?

Ignoring, the dark look the young millionaire bestowed upon her, she handed him her cell phone, and motioned for him to stay there. She then swept back into the house, presumably going back inside.

The chattering on the phone did not cease, despite the fact that the other person meant to converse on the phone was apparently not there. Kaiba decided to do another commoner thing; play tricks on people. Besides, who wouldn't NOT try to get all nosy and into another person's business? Surely, not Kaiba.

Since he was quite fluent in Nihongo, he decided to rain on Miss Nosaka's parade.

"Well hello there," he purred out sexily (he thought there was a girl on the other end). "Want to have a bit of corporate—"

"Dude! I'm a guy! And what are you doing with my girlfriend!" An angered Japanese teen yelled on the phone.

Needless to say, the normally coherent man was now speechless. Did he just hit on a dude?

"Girlfriend?"

"Hiroto Honda, Miho Nosaka's one and only boyfriend! You stay the—"

"EH! My pizza's getting cold," Miho interrupted in English.

As Miho paid up, Seto tucked in information that he gleaned from the fiasco, making sure that he would not forget. Perhaps, he could use this information to his advantage? Nah, commoners with yellow ribbons weren't worth his time, he thought as he drove to his next delivery.

* * *

"A-ano, Hopkins-san," the violet haired teen murmured abashedly. She twisted a lock of her satin like hair and looked to the ground in embarrassment at her slight failure. "I-I tried to do the assignment, but…" Unable to continue her stammer in front of the snickering class, she opted to go YOLO. "Gomen nasai," she whispered and fled to her seat.

What appeared to be a merry twinkle in the aged man's eye, he followed her to her seat.

"Don't worry, Miss Nosaka, since you're new," and this where he faced the rest of the class in warning," you'll have an extra day to complete the assignment. Deal?"

Unable to conceal her relief, the usually meek girl squealed happily. She had to stop, however, when a certain someone had to the jerkiness to barge in one her extreme happiness.

That person who dared glare at the Japanese girl was a Mr. Bakura.

Ryou Bakura didn't know how she did it—with all her 'bubbly personality' and quirks—but to accomplish the feat of entering his English Honors in the middle of the school year was admirable. For a girl like her—now he was going to act all POLITE and all—but she was really was pushing the bar on that cutesy girl act that she put up. Seriously, it was as if she thought the world revolved around her. With that yellow ribbon and shy act get up that she always used to get her way and that trash she called 'imagination.' The albino read her papers that his English teacher assigned and that was just—just… To put it lightly was glorified rubbish.

Oh, it greatly displeased him to see that HIS Honors English instructor was all head over heels for that Japanese exchange student—NOT IN THAT WAY YA PERVES! Since when did he—archaeologist extraordinaire and giver of harsh detentions—give out freebies like that! Hello, this was a prestigious private school. Not a charity for those unfortunate to move to Winchester, England!

Argh, the albino furiously thought as he crumpled a piece of notebook paper in his pale fist. Why did she have to get so much special treatment! He stalked down the pale blue hallways of the school, en route to going home. To Ryou, she was a demon who—

"Thinking about the dumb slag, again," a teasing voice came out of the blue. Once Ryou looked to his right, he saw that it was one of his friends. Then again, as he thought about the matter carefully, he was his only friend.

"Been in England ever since the semester started and you already know how to speak the lingo?" The Briton asked in mock surprise. "That was quite fast, especially when your first words here was, 'dude where mah brah!'"

"Come off it, Ryou!" Malik laughed, hoping to steer the conversation away from him. 'Cause dangit! A major faux pas was supposed to be forgotten to the mists of time, not celebrated!

"Come off it," Ryou repeated as he slapped his knee. "Look whose Prince William now!"

Sighing, Malik leaned against the locker door and waited for his insane friend to stop with his notorious laughter.

"Meh, where's my Princess Diana, then," the native born Egyptian asked sarcastically. To which Ryou, being a history and grammar Nazi, nearly slapped his friend with his binder.

"Princess Diana was his mother, you imbecile!" Whacking his friend on the head was quite enjoyable, to say the least, Ryou thought as he smirked with zeal. "He married Kate Middleton and now—"

"They're having a baby! Isn't that kawaii!" A super adorable voice called out to butt into their conversation. Still wearing that yellow ribbon—how childish—and that short skirt that somehow escaped the radar—she MUST be a slag—Ryou knew that she had to go away or else he would snap.

"Right-o," Ryou muttered as he gestured to Malik to follow him out of the hallway. Of course, seeing that Ryou was the first one to get to know the Egyptian, he would follow his orders without—

"Hey, do you have Pegasus for English? His English term papers are so HAAAAAA—" Ryou pulled on one of his golden earrings to alert his awesome friend that YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND WHY THE HECK ARE YOU NOT OBEYING ME! Obviously, the only true British dude of the trio was quite, how you say? Pissed.

"Aw man, dude! I really need—"

"You bloke! She. Is. The. Enemy," Ryou stressed as he steered the tanned gentleman out the door and onto the parking lot. "Remember how she got me ranked second best in the Arts and Language department? She plagiarized from my paper, and I had to work my arse off—"

"Oh ho," Malik laughed behind his hand in a predatory manner. His violet eyes sparkled with mirth and mischief. "Somebody's in looooove!"

"Who," Ryou naively asked. "It's definitely not me, and if you're talking about Little Miss Perfect Miho, you're dead wrong. I hate her."

"Ryou, come on," Malik gently pushed his friend. "You're just mad that she's good looking—"

"What?"

"—smarter than you—"

"Now hold on a second."

"—and you totally got the hots for her."

"How many times have I told you that I AM NOT AMERICAN."

"See, your blood is aching for the touch of her hair, those thick lips on yours—"

Ryou reached for his binder that he deemed useful, and was about to whack Ishtar when—

"Bollocks!" Ryou absolutely hated it when the Egyptian tried his tricks on him, especially when he wasn't that physically fit. "That was underhanded, Ishtar."

"What did you want me to do, play the whole thing overhand?" Malik joked as he released the albino from his half nelson.

"That. Made. No. Sense."

Nonplussed, good ol' Malik Ishtar decided to pursue the original topic, concerned for his bro's apparent hate for Miho, and the attraction towards her.

"Geeze, you geezer, you need to learn how to live a little and get the girl," he leaned in close to whisper in Bakura's ear," cause we all know that you're the hero."

"Anti-hero," the Brit sighed with unease. "Ever read Catcher in the Rye? Holden got locked up in a hospital—"

"So will you when I discover that you don't ask her out." With a mock punch at Ryou's arm, the teen looked mischievously at his friend's eyes and reached into his back pocket, withdrawing a cell phone.

"Wha-? What are you-? NO! You are not," Ryou gasped when a tan hand gagged mouth, wincing at the flavor.

"Yo, Miho!"

"Konnichiwa, Malik-san."

"Konnichiwa, whatever. Listen, my man Ryou needs some help with his essay on," he put a hand on his cell and looked at his now un-mute friend. Ryou, on the other hand, looked the other way, and wielded a binder at his disposal.

"Malik-san, are you okay?"

"Come on, brother," Malik whispered with haste. "Your damsel in distress is waiting~!"

"She is not—" Ryou began.

"His topic for this quarter is on how to get a girlfriend—"

"I WILL KILL YOU!"

"—in under one hour."

Never have binders spilled so much blood.

* * *

The house was white with streaks of lavender strewn throughout.

It was disgustingly cute.

Just like Miho.

"Malik, why do you have to be so, so…" In agony of not finding the appropriate word for the occasion, Ryou effectively punched down the doorbell, reveling in the fact that the gold around it dented. Perhaps this house wasn't as bad as it looked.

"Eh? Ryou-san I thought our date was tom—"

"Its not a date, Miho! It-its," he racked his brain frantically, hoping that his face wasn't sunburning, y'know? "It's a rendezvous! Affirmative! Tomorrow! Sayanora." You have to admit, Ryou was very brave when he had to be.

"Eh!? Ryou-san, our date was today! And what is this thing you call 'rendezvous?' Oh, and that is not how you pronounce 'sayanora!' Ryou-san!" The girl with the lavender hair stood in the area of her doorway, looking quite lost. "Eh?"

* * *

The house was white with streaks of lavender strewn throughout.

It was disgustingly—

Wait, what?

Sorry, wrong intro folks! *laughs nervously*

Anyways…

* * *

"So, um, would you like tea?" Miho asked nervously, as she looked at the ashen faced teen. Although she was supposed to be ditsy and all that—this is Ryou's point of view, not mine—she looked rather smart with her black formal shirt and skinny jeans. Not that Ryou cared. No way! Besides, her hair was up in its usual yellow ponytail, making her seem childish and adorable. The adorable-ness about her was what he found really entertaining about her.

"Er, um…no?" in some Asian countries it was deemed an insult if you didn't accept the gift your host gave. Now, Ryou might have hated her—hear: LIKED—but he still didn't want to mess with her feelings. Even if she was too dumb to notice that he practically insulted her hospitality.

With a smile that could light up a cemetery, the petite lass gestured for the British teenager over to her kitchen table, where there was a scattered mess. Now, Ryou was not a neat freak, but the chaos that was lying on her furniture was not cutting it. Gingerly, he sat down at the table, eyes taking in the mass of documents greedily. What he saw surprised him. It seems that not only did the Japanese girl wrote amazing fiction—he was still unsure about that—but she also drew some neat comics. From the looks of it, it seemed that the characters in her drawings were playing numerous games.

"Who're they?" It was an innocent question, one that anyone would ask if they were curious. By the way Miho reacted; one might have thought that Ryou asked her what her bust size was.

"Heheh, just a little project," she sheepishly scratched the back of her neck and scooped most of the comic strips. Although she tried to the fact that she was blushing, her twitchy fidgeting set the alarm bells going off in Ryou's head. Hurriedly she pushed the offensive papers on a spare chair, away from sight. Was it something that he said?

Confused, the albino took the businessman approach to the situation.

"Well, let's get started shall we?" He took out his binder where he took out some fresh notes for his topic, courtesy of his best mate. Ryou still had no idea where Malik got the idea that he needed a girlfriend, but at least he knew when to improvise.

"Do you have a topic sentence, or a hook," his companion asked pleasantly. Was it just him, or did she forget that she was blushing a furious red only seconds before? "If you don't, I came up with lots of ideas that would help!" Reaching under the table she pulled out a binder, which contained a whopping three inches of paper! Ryou felt ill that the whole thing was really a ruse, and that his true paper on insects was already done. If he had known… Pushing back the guilt that built in his chest, Ryou sat up straighter, and thumbed through the pages of Miho's binder.

Blegh.

What is this pile of codswallop doing on paper! Ryou zealously thought as he disgustedly looked at the things that his classmate had written—copy and pasted—down. No way was he going to start typing some half arsed hogwash that dealt with cliché pick-up lines! Tiredly, he smoothed down his mass of white hair, not daring to meet Miho in the eyes.

The tension was so thick that a children's trading card could slice it.

"It's nice," Ryou managed to get out before two constricting appendages wrapped around his ribcage.

"Yippee!" Miho sang out. "Which of the quotes do you like? Personally, I think that a lot of cheesy pick-up lines are—"

Ryou tuned her out as he pulled out his on binder and began writing notes. If he was going to succeed in his lie, show Malik that Miho was not the girl for him, and that he was already done with his essay, that would all be in a day's work. Which would help him elevate his bragging rights AND prove to himself that he DID NOT LIKE Miho. So there. His strategy was so awesome and stupid that nothing would fail! Unless of course, Miho found out that he was just wasting her time and using her for bragging rights.

"Ryou-san! Ryou-san, are you in there?"

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah~.

That would be bad.

"Cheerio and pip pip, lets get a move one," Ryou faked his happiness as he avoided Miho's curious gaze. As he did so, he dropped his trusty ballpoint pen, and bent over to retrieve it. However, the scene from before, Miho's embarrassment, was fresh in his mind. So, instead of just picking up his pen like any innocent boy, he made sure that got a handful of Miho's little comic book. And you better not think anything pervy about this!

And thus, since the author is really lazy and hates making characters speak, she will outline the following montages:

1. Ryou read the little undertaking that Miho drew while he simultaneously sketched out his own 'essay.'

2. Miho fiddled with her hair and gushed over the pick up-lines," How about this little gem? 'Bond. Jam—'" Which was proceeded by retching. VERY loud retching.

3. The two 'worked' while they were trying not to look at each other.

4. In short, this list is very uneventful, and very sad.

5. Malik Ishtar couldn't believe that he wasted an entire afternoon listening to these two geeks duke it out sissy style.

Which leads us to our next character: Bakura.

* * *

Nobody knew what his real name was; only his brother, but he never dared call him his real name. With an untamed mane of flowing white hair and unbecoming scowl, he was the role model of adoring fangirls everywhere. Which, of course, was how he met Malik Ishtar. By sacrificing the Americanized Egyptian to his bloodthirsty stalkers, the dark albino was able to flee his life of misery and depression, and back to his natural habitat; the arcade.

"Bloody hell, mate!" Bakura roared as he listened in one his little brother's conversation with his schoolmate. "I taught him pickpocketing, lock picking, and this is how he repays me! By acting like a complete noob!" In a rage, the white haired college student punched the screen of one of the games and scowled.

"Whoa, what is your problem, man?" Malik asked curiously. Never before had he seen Ryou's brother this… Well, he was always angry, but he was never this incensed. "Its not like he's ruining your reputation."

"Not ruining my rep! HE. IS. TARNISHING. THE. LEGACY. THAT. IS. THE. BAKURA. NAMESAKE." A few fellow players in the shindig quickly backed away from the pale haired duo, leaving them to plot world domination. Or as they would like to call it, Operation Make Ryou Act Like James Bond.

"If my dear brother makes a fool out of himself," the elder Bakura continued," what does that make me? A COMPLETE DUNDERHEAD WITH A BROTHER WHO CAN'T PULL HIS OWN BRITCHES IN THE RELATIONSHIP!"

Shaking his head in laughter, Malik had the audacity to laugh at Bakura's 'predicament.' He got the point of where this was going already.

"Honestly, I never knew that you loved your brother," the Egyptian teased.

"I don't," Bakura huffed.

* * *

The phone rang obnoxiously as Ryou blundered through his backpack. Sighing, he pulled out his Blackberry and mouthed an 'I'm sorry' at Miho. Out of respect and wariness, he moved to the bathroom, anxious for whoever called him since he hadn't looked at the caller ID. In his haste, he actually brought along his backpack, a mere slip-up, but Ryou thought something wasn't right…

"Ryou Bakura here," he called out.

Immediately, his brother bombarded him with a snarl.

"RYOU, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT UPLIFTING THE FAMILY HONOR!"

Usually, Ryou would have been scared that his brother was this mad, but he didn't really care. Playing along with Miho and her notions of how to write a paper made his tolerance for her fly off the charts. First of all, there had to be adjectives everywhere! Why? So what if he didn't bother with the mundane task of putting modifiers in front of every freaking noun, verb, or other adverbs? It's not like Mr. Hopkins is going to read the whole in depth and grade the amount of adjectives that he had written. However, when he read the first few paragraphs that were shaping up to be his paper, he realized that maybe…

All right, he admitted it. Miho was an amazing writer and her quirky creative ways to improvise on a paper. Plus, her quirky ways were very…cute.

"ANSWER ME YOU DUMB BUCKET OF DUNG!"

"Ah, hello dearest brother," Ryou muttered before focusing on the task at hand. "Very clever, by the way; dumb bucket of dung, ha-ha."

"Put a sock in it, Ryou," Bakura growled. "You remember what the old lady said, no cussing and no trash talking."

"The old lady you're talking about is our mother," Ryou smoothly replied as he contemplated as to why Bakura was calling him. Surely he hadn't caused some ruckus at the arcade, had he? God forbid that he actually looted the gaming machines for spare tokens. The younger albino shuddered. No way was he related to this guy. "And what do you require of me, oh so awesome king," Ryou drawled. Not a characteristic reaction to his older brother, but he was really annoyed that his older brother would barge in on his life like that. Usually, he would just ask him to steal him some ramen and that would be it.

"Do you take me for an idiot? Idiot, I have been listening to you for over four hours and I _need _some action happening between you and that wench of yours, like I don't know… RIGHT NOW BEFORE I SLIT YOUR THROAT!"

That was bewildering to say the least.

"What do you mean, listening to—" Peering through the contents of his pack, he gasped with disdain and glared at the cell he had in his hands. "Malik," he called out stonily," why is your cell phone here, on?"

"Well, ya see," Ryou could see his friend scratch the light blonde locks that hung near the nape his neck," funny story really. I guess I dropped Rishid's phone in there. Isn't that funny?" Awkward laughter could be heard as Ryou nearly banged his head against the wall in anger and self-denial. Why oh why were the closest people to him such creeps?

"So how was it on?" He could hear Bakura say.

"Long story short, I stole Rishid's phone, called Rishid's phone, answered Rishid's phone, and planted Rishid's phone into Ryou's backpack. Clever, huh?"

"Would you like to hit the banks with me?"

"Anytime, Bakura. Anytime."

"Guys, would you please stop with your bromance!" Ryou yelled, nearly forgetting that he was in a bathroom in a girl's house. "And another thing, if you want to stalk me, do it on FaceBook, at least that isn't private!"

…

"Bro, you don't have a FaceBook."

"That's the point!"

"You diss my partner in crime, you diss me, little brother."

"Come off it Bakura! Would you like it if I—"

"Ryou-san, are you alright?" An anxious voice spoke from outside the bathroom door. "I ordered pizza and I thought every topping was nice, is that okay?"

"Um, fine. I just have a reeeeeeeeeeaaaally hard time with life right now. I'll be out in a minute."

In response to his reassurance, Miho nodded her dainty little head, but froze, since he wouldn't see he. Blushing at her awkwardness, she mumbled," See you at dinner."

When the footsteps receded into the distance, Ryou sighed into the phone, resolving to find better friends when he got back.

"Remember, Ryou," Malik whispered excitedly—as to why, Ryou didn't know," girls like it rough. Especially for the first time!"

"What?" Ryou asked, shamefaced.

"Be a man and act like you know what you're doing!" Bakura practically screeched at him.

"But I'm here to write—"

"No. You are there to earn your manhood and eat pizza! Make us proud, cadet!"

"Malik, I never really liked wars and what has love got to do with anything?"

"He admits it! He really does fancy Miss Miho Nosaka!"

"Uplift the family honor—"

"French kisses work best—"

"Don't eat like a pig—"

"And lastly, don't act like a nerd!"

Then the phone beeped.

"…But I'm not a nerd."

* * *

They were seated at the table, reviewing Ryou's paper and correcting any mistakes if need be. Finally, the doorbell rang and Ryou offered to get it. Little did he know that he was going to be astounded by what he saw.

Was that—No way.

"Stop your lollygagging," a Japanese accented voice broke into his mindset as he looked on in curiosity. Why was one of his classmates dressed up as—?

"Ever hear of the pizza boy?"

"Y-yeah, Kaiba," Ryou stuttered as he gazed at the older male in front of him. "I thought you owned a mansion—"

"With security cameras and everything, I get it. Your _friends_," Seto Kaiba seethed," wanted me to deliver the pizza." A satisfied smirk ran across his face as he shoved the poor pizza on the lad. "They owe me Kaiba Corp time."

"Is that all you need to do?"

"Course not, nerd," Seto gritted out as his visage turned into an egotistical creature. "I have a message from you geeks." He cleared his throat in self importance and began," If you don't get the girl, God help me I will rip out your kidneys, turn your insides inside out, and I will type out all your diary entries and give them to your girlfriend," Kaiba paused before grinning ghost of a smile," I like Bakura's style."

As Seto was about to depart from Miho's porch, Ryou asked him if Malik had wanted anything to add.

"All your base are belong to us and that he wanted a slice of pizza, preferably with a hunk of pepperoni," Kaiba replied before sneering. "Good luck…"

"Gee, thank—"

"… with the fact that she's going to dump you."

No pizzas were harmed during their encounter with one another.

* * *

"Erm, Ryou-san are you feeling alright," Miho asked concernedly as her dark violet eyes once again made contact with Ryou's determined chocolate orbs. Not that Miho minded, she was just wondering why he likes to watch her that often. "You haven't been eating your pizza."

A bob of white hair nodded, eyes still on his prey.

"And you haven't been blinking for the past ten minutes."

The mass of fluff bobbed its mythical head again.

"Are you not satisfied with the help I gave you?" Miho asked with great apprehension in her dark eyes. "I think I can refer you to a friend of mine who writes better than I can—"

A slender finger made its way to her plump pink lips, effectively shushing her. The look in his eyes was very, very creepy.

"Ryou, I don't know if you already know this but—"

"Shush, love," Ryou said huskily, his British accent fully taking over. "I just want to—"

Miho pushed back against her chair trying to get away from Ryou's advancing face coming in contact with hers. Gee, he was cute and maybe hot, but—

"I do appreciate your erm, accent," Miho improvised as she saw Ryou's eyes light up at that," but I already have a boyfriend."

"Oh, that's—"

**WAIT. WHAT.**

"Sorry, I'm in a relationship with Hiroto Honda my former classmate, and one of the characters in my manga."

Viewer discretion is advised at the breakdown of a Mr. Ryou Bakura.

* * *

"Never again," Ryou muttered as he placed his head on his desk. "That is one faux pas that I will never do again."

"Gee, Ryou," Malik contritely murmured," I'm really sorry for your loss."

"Thanks Malik," Ryou muttered as he looked up gratefully at his best friend. "I knew I could count on you."

"Don't worry, we'll find you a nice girl you can hook up with—"

"What are you doing? NO! Mali—"

"How about Isis, what about her? You like her?"

"Not like that! Seriously, sto—"

"Of course you like her, she's my sister. Here's the game plan: you're going to be like a desperado in one of those American films and steal from one of the exhibits and—Ryou, what are you doing? What! NO! Me no likey binders! NO BINDERS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH !"

In the end, however, Miho married Honda, Malik and Bakura evaded the law, Rishid put a tracker on his phone, Seto Kaiba took over a gaming and pizza company, and Isis married this shady guy (his name is so shady, I can't say it).

And that one guy with the bad luck?

He had perfect marks for his paper and drowned his sorrows in cream puffs.

* * *

This was is probably the most underrated pairing in all of Yu-Gi-Oh! because it will never happen. I hope you all enjoy and review!


End file.
